The Buggy Man in Spain
(without Murphy)

Hola! That’s as far as my Spanish goes... I think everyone speaks English.
I’m not looking out to sea in Benidorm, it’s just Blackpool without the tower, but with sun. The whole sun, sea, sand, sex and sangria just about sums it up, but the sun has gone in now. I’m a bit puzzled as to why they have put all these sky scrapers up here, its not as if they have no room anywhere else. English papers, breakfasts and other culinary delights abound...you really could be in the UK.

There is a rather fine promenade that stretches for miles. Everyone walks along it when the sun is out. You can sit in a cafe with your coffee and tia maria and pick out the different nationalities strutting their stuff: The Germans striding out, often mustached (especially the women). Spanish men in front, sweater tied nonchalantly around the neck, very elegantly attired. Ladies to the rear, also very elegant, but if you tied their hands together they would struggle to communicate. They also have problems with volume control, unless as a nation, they are deaf.

The English are the scruffy so and sos of Europe: Football team shirts, pot bellies and tattoos, weighs up the younger element and that’s just the girls!! The oldies seem to transcend nationalities, they want to display acres of suntanned flesh, in its various wrinkled and varicose forms. A good business opening here would be a skin ironer. He would have a field day! You can spot new arrivals by their pasty completions. They don’t stay that way for long though!

The Costa del Sol must be the buggy capital of the world. In our block there are six which live in the lobby having their electricity boost. I wonder what the collective name is for a group of buggies? A herd? A pack? Or what about a scuttle of buggies? No, no the best one is a confusion of buggies, as that’s what they cause!

Been to the street market - Thornesby market, it’s not! I have never seen so many shoes and purses all in one place. There was a fantastic display of fruit and veg, I have come to the conclusion that they keep the best oranges here. Never, ever, have I seen such a fantastic range, and oh so sweet and juicy. There are some other vegetables and herbs that we don’t see at Morrisons. One stall just sold olives - there must have been 10 different types. Then oil...that’s when they really kick off with the vinegar and herbs, and some that I have no idea about. It’s all Spanish to me.

Exploring down town Benidorm today. Noticed a bar called The Crooked Spire. Got to be investigated. A family from Eckington going to give it a try. Best of luck to them

Facial hair is a national thing. The Germans like a top lip growth - some are quite spectacular with moustaches waxed into pointy ends. The Dutch go in for this also, but in a much more refined way. The Spanish seem to like the high maintenance Frank Zappa look. The English - let’s not get into the stubble/shadow ‘style’. We are all just scruffs!

Buggy Man